4 Easy Ways to Make Your Marriage a Priority All Year Long
4 Easy Ways to Make Your Marriage a Priority All year
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Making your marriage a priority felt like such an important topic to cover since Valentine’s Day is Friday. Everyone has their significant other on the brain right now. But I will let you in on a little secret. Are you ready for it?
Valentine’s Day isn’t the only time your marriage should be a priority.
It should be a priority every single day.
Now, I know it’s hard when you work crazy schedules and the kids can make you nuts and dinner needs to be on the table and church just asked if you wouldn’t mind volunteering again and the school is sending home PTO letters every single week and the dog needs to see the vet and you better remember to call your grandma…and well frankly I’m exhausted just writing that list.
The thing is that the list never gets smaller. The things you have on your to-do list never end. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear but too often we let our children and other “obligations” take a higher priority over our marriage. We can’t really question a high divorce rate in the United States when we’re letting other things impede the person we stood in front of God and promised to stand by for eternity. So how do we make our marriage a priority all year?
Make your marriage a priority over your kids
Your marriage should not take a backseat to your kids. I think often about the friends I have that have parents divorcing after 25+ years of marriage. It shocks the adult children. How could this happen?
I know how this happened. Over those 2+ decades, couples focus so much energy on their kids they lose their identity as a couple. When they become empty nesters, they’re strangers. They lost the thing they have in common. They typically find that they’ve lost sight on who they are and what once made them special. They spent so much of their marriage focused on their kids and not enough time building their own relationship. They didn’t model enough a healthy marriage.
Stop focusing on your kids so much. Focus on your marriage. Your spouse was there first and he’ll be there when the kids move out. Avoid the empty-nest split and focus on the marriage now.
Assume the Best
When you were dating your spouse, presumably you didn’t assume he was up to no good, or he was out to hurt you or he did things out of spite. Assuming there’s never been abuse, addiction, or adultery in the mix, you can assume the best in your spouse.
We’re not perfect because none of us are Jesus. We’re bound to make mistakes. If we assume that our spouse made those mistakes intentionally, then we will fail. We will have miserable interactions.
Prime example: my husband was at band practice and we had just switched banks so I had the only debit card. His work schedule didn’t allow him the hours off to be at the bank to get his own debit card. I had left my wallet for him and he didn’t know it. He called me around 10 PM to tell me he was leaving band practice. He called me about 10 minutes later to tell me the car wouldn’t start. A bandmate drove him to Walmart to get jumper cables since no one had them (wild since we live in South Georgia). Two hours later he says he has to Uber home since the car needs a new battery and he doesn’t have enough cash in his wallet to get one. I then tell him I wish he had called me sooner since I had left my wallet with the bank card for him.
Simple mistake. I should have communicated better and he should have called sooner or checked the car. Accidents happen. He knows I didn’t leave that information out intentionally.
He laughed. His buddy laughed. They replaced the battery, and I saw him an hour later.
But imagine we didn’t assume the best in one another. It could have been a full blown screaming match because he was annoyed and I wanted him home at that point.
When we assume the best in each other, our interactions go much smoother and everyone is happier. When we assume the best, we assume the other person is genuine, sincere and caring. That says a lot about their character and our own. That’s the type of marriage I want.
Love Languages All Day
It is so incredibly important to know and speak your spouses love language. So often how we understand love isn’t the same as our spouse. For me, I’m acts of service so when Glenn does something as simple as washing the dishes, I got cuckoo for cocoa puffs! It’s something so simple but speaks volumes to me.
Find out what your spouse needs for their love language and make a commitment to it. Find out what you can about it and implement! Have them do the same.
You can take the free test here and you can grab the book here. They also offer tests on your apology language and anger language. This was incredibly insightful for us!
If you’re stuck for ideas, check out our post on 365 ways to love your husband here.
Make Time For Each Other
This was a big problem when we first got married. I run a business and my blog and I prefer to cook and clean. I’m also a social butterfly but I don’t like to leave my house so I FaceTime my best friends all over the country regularly. Between all my things, my husband was getting the short end of the stick. I was way over-committed.
I honestly didn’t know how to not over-commit so I got help. I actually hired a professional to help me schedule my time more effectively so I could manage the house, kids, business, friends, me time and most importantly, hubby time. Hubby time now has a ton of time on my calendar.
I’m no longer looking at my phone worrying about client emails or my next client while watching a movie with him anymore. We take Saturday and Sunday completely for us. It’s been amazing for our marriage.
It really lets him know that he’s the number one in my life. Business will come and go. The kids will grow up and move out but he’ll always be here. He’s my constant and therefore deserves my full attention.
What I’m saying here is that if you want your marriage to work for over 2 decades, you need to make it a priority on more than date night and Valentine’s Day. Now is the time to make it a priority every single day.
How will you make your marriage a priority today?
Excellent tips! Learning the love language is very important, as it helps to solve and prevent problems within the marriage.
Thank you so much Kareena! It really does make a huge difference! It’s amazing how we can receive love so differently but once we know what our spouse needs, we can really help them know they are loved.
Beautiful, love is all about commitment and making sure nothing else comes in between.
I could not agree more with that!
I can be honest and say I’m not good at assuming the best in my marriage. It’s something I need to work on. I needed to hear this. Thank you for the reminder.
You are so not alone! I’d use to just assume my husband was hyper aware and every move was made with intentionality but he’s just as busy as I am and sometimes we do things without really thinking about it. If I want him to give me grace when I’m a space cadet, I have to offer the same to him. I’m excited to hear how this changes your perspective in your marriage!
Love this topic! Thanks for sharing:) I think understanding love languages is so important as well — not just our partner’s love language, but others close to us too (parents, siblings, friends, etc.)! Taking some time to really understand what someone needs and what resonates with them in a relationship can take a lot of the guesswork out of what makes them happy and fulfilled.
Oh yes! I think we should take this test for every relationship we have. It’s also great to know how you need things communicated to you so you can better help those you spend time with. A little bit of being proactive goes a long way.
My husband and I took the love language test before our marriage and it helped us understand what each other needs. Great tips!
I love that! I think every couple should take that test before getting married. It’s amazing how knowing our spouse’s love language makes such a difference.
Really nice post, I’ve always believe about putting you significant other first too, children eventually will make their lifes adn you only got eachother. Thanks for sharing.
It’s amazing how often as parents we put our children first and then wonder why our marriage fails after 25+ years. I love that y’all put yourself first! After all, you said “I do” to each other 🙂
Wonderful post! As a newlywed, it’s been important for my wife and I to make everyday feel special, as well as do the little things throughout the year to let each other know how much we care. I really appreciate your work, thank you!
I love that so much! It is definitely is imperative we make a conscious effort every single day to show our spouse they matter. I’d love to hear how y’all do it?! We can ALL use more tips to make our spouse feel loved.