My doctor used the word “cancer”
& how we’re seeing God through it all
July 21, 2018, I lost my grandpa to cancer. He was the most typical of stubborn Italian/Russian men and frankly ignored all pleas to see a doctor early on. Which is why it was so stressful when just two years later almost to the day, I had to call my grandma after a post-op visit to tell her I was being referred to a Gynecological Oncologist.
After I had surgery on the 16th, the doctor called my husband as I was in no condition to hear about what happened. He told my husband to come to the post-op appointment. I honestly thought it was to discuss the surgery and the plan moving forward. I thought this appointment was going to give us a solid answer on why I’ve been miscarrying and we’d be moving forward to work on carrying a child to term.
When my doctor looked at me and said we couldn’t move forward yet with a pregnancy I was confused. I thought “this is why we had surgery.” We were supposed to have a science backed answer as to what our chances are of having a biological child are. It was supposed to tell me why I keep miscarrying.
Instead, he said “I can’t rule out cancer.” The words hit me like a Mac Truck.
My doctor said while it’s rare and my chances are slim, he’s not confident enough to say I don’t have cancer.
So he was referring me to a specialist he trusts.
I just sat there. Numb. Taking it all in. Listening to what he said. He was optimistic. He said the chance of someone having cancer my age is slim. But he’s seen it.
That’s really all I needed to hear. What I thought would be an appointment about having children and creating a game plan turned into something I never anticipated. I thought I would leave with a prescription for fertility medicine and left with an oncology referral.
We got to the car and I wept, hard. I feel so awful for my husband just sitting there watching me sob like a lunatic. I must have looked insane and he probably felt helpless because there was nothing he could say or do to help.
But in fact, there was something. He said to give it to God. God’s got it.
God does have my back. He knows what the outcome will be. He knows what the doctor’s will find. He knows what my treatment options are. He knows what sort of stressors that may put on my family and He has got it. I can rely on Him and His goodness though it all.
God doesn’t do things for the sake of doing things. There’s always a purpose. I may not know what the purpose of this cancer scare is yet, but I know it serves a purpose.
Whatever that purpose is, I know it’s for my benefit and the benefit of those around me.
Always remember that God does have a plan. There is nothing senseless or needless about what He is doing in your life (Jeremiah 29:11).
Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite verse to think of when I’m unsure of what the purpose of a particular situation is. No matter what you’re going through, lean in on Him. I promise, it’ll all work itself out for the good of your future.
Whether it’s a cancer scare, a season of infertility or uncertainty about school choices, God has a plan and I know it is good.
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