PART ONE: GODLY GOAL SETTING WITH BIANCA EMELY

Lemon: [00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Milk and Honey podcast. I am so excited because I have my friend Bianca, Emily with me today, and it’s gonna be a two-part episode because she has got some good stuff to share today. So Bianca is a empowerment, life strategist coast for. Christian female entrepreneurs, and so I thought she was the perfect person to be here.

She is the c e o and founder of Be Empowered Multinational. She’s an international speaker and a ministry partner. She has been featured as a leading expert on iHeartRadio and an International Women’s Day event. She was awarded Rookie of the Year and nominated Boss Mom, which is really cool. And so her commitment in life really is to help women achieve financial independence, experience true self-love, and allow for meaningful relationships.

Bianca’s also passionate about empowering her audience and clients for their step-by-step systems to say goodbye to life blocks and build generational wealth. And so that’s honestly why I’m so excited to have her here because this topic we’re [00:01:00] gonna go into today is a good one. It is a good one. We’re talking all about goal setting and she’s got some really good biblical knowledge for you today.

So welcome, Bianca. I’m so excited you’re here. 

Bianca: Thank you so much for having me. I’m super excited. I am really jazz. So I would love for you to give like a quick overview of what we’re gonna cover on this two part episode. Guys, she gets the first two part episode. really excited about this. Yes. So today I’m gonna be talking about the vision, and at the beginning of the year, or at the end of every year, everybody’s always so focused on New Year’s resolutions, right?

And what happens? with most people is they’re excited about all these goal settings, all these opportunities that they can have. And then once the year starts or time just gets going, it’s oh, that didn’t happen. Oh, this didn’t work. And it’s once the second or third month. Now, truthfully, hold on.

Statistically speaking, [00:02:00] once people hit. First week of February, I wanna say it’s about already 50% of people have already failed at their New Year’s resolution. Wow. Which is insane. And so I’m like how can we have, women of God truly live the life that they were supposed to live and exceed in the goals and, just live in purpose.

So that’s what we’re gonna be talking about. I am so excited and I would love for you to share like the verse that sort of has inspired this whole talk. Yes. Okay. So it’s Ahab, Becca, Tutu. So write the vision, make it plain. 

That it’s, so when I came up with a topic cuz I did a women’s event for this as well at the beginning of the year, and when I discussed this, the vision was just all right. we have to not only know what we wanna do, like it, not only does it need to be in our mind, but it needs to be on paper. And [00:03:00] then it says whoever’s when you run, oh, I’m trying to remember whoever runs, reads it. And it’s pretty much saying your goals need to. So loud and so visible that other people know exactly what it is that you’re doing as well.

And I, it’s just so important for us to not only make the goals, write the goals, but see the goals come to pass. There’s so many things that we need to do as women of God, and if you’re just going throughout life, Hopeful wishing cuz that’s really what it is. Oh, I just, everybody’s walking around with their fingers crossed I just pray that this happens, but there’s no actions whatsoever behind it.

It’s what fruit are you really gonna see from it? Because a farmer doesn’t go out there with seeds and just throws it out in the land and says, I just pray that these seeds just become all this tree, [00:04:00] this fig tree, this olive tree, this apple tree. It’s no, you gotta put in the work as well.

Lemon: Ooh. I love that. I love that you talk about this actionable piece because I think so many people, they do, they walk around with, oh, I have this goal, and so I’m just going to. , float through life and then they’re shocked when the coal doesn’t happen, right? Nothing changes if nothing changes.

And so I love that you said that because I think it’s really different too than the new age movement and manifestation and all of those things. So yeah, explain how these are two very different things. 

Bianca: Yeah, so there’s a very fine line with this whole manifestation thing as well because in the Bible it does say to manifest, but we, this new age has taken it to let’s do hocus pocus type of stuff.

Thank you for being one of the first people. I seriously, 

Lemon: I only know a handful of women. Sorry, I’m like interrupting you, but I only know a handful of women who acknowledge the fact that the word man like manifest is in the Bible. 

Bianca: Yes. And thank you. And it’s crazy because [00:05:00] again, what is good the enemy takes for evil and vice versa.

Whatever, is bad that happens in our lives, God makes it good. And so it’s it’s the corruption of things, which happens all the time. And okay, so going back to the whole manifestation thing, it’s insane because now this new age, and this is prevalent. It is out there.

It is. The new generation. It’s like this is normalized, and if you don’t have discernment or wisdom, you can easily fall into this because this all falls into, and I may be getting off topic, but I’ll get back on it. It all falls. This new manifestation falls into like horoscopes and witchcraft and all this other stuff, and it’s wait.

Hold up. Like you’re saying. with this whole new age manifestation. I have complete control of my life and I. Pretty [00:06:00] much be the God of my life and make whatever I want happen. No. Boo. That is not the case. We are God’s servants. We are vessels, and we are by the Holy Spirit. We are given the work that.

We need to fulfill in order to live the life that we were supposed to live here on Earth and fulfill our purpose. And whatever the Holy Spirit gives us, that’s how we move. We get our strength from him. We get our thoughts from Him. We, it’s, it we, our words. When I speak, I want the Holy Spirit to speak through me.

It’s not me, not Bianca the flesh. Because sometimes if I get in my ways, I’m like, ah, oh, lemme take that one back. The whole manifestation thing. It’s insane because it’s oh I’m just gonna manifest that. I’m just gonna be a millionaire and all this is gonna happen to me, and I’m gonna find this wonderful, sexy husband, and he’s gonna be rich.

And it’s like this crazy stuff. It’s again you’re just wishing these things, assuming that [00:07:00] now your words are, What’s the word I’m looking for? It’s pretty much like your words are solid. That’s it. What is said is stoned because I am the god in my life. 

Lemon: Oh, I love you so much for talking about this.

So my husband actually comes from Pagan and Satan background, like Satanic background and so whenever, so I didn’t know anything about it. I grew up in an anti-Christian house. . Not that, my family was like Satanic, but they just they didn’t believe in anything necessarily.

And so for my husband to have this background, we talk about it all the time. He’s yeah, no, like you are your own God. That is a Satanic view. , he’s you’re your own God. And whatever. There are no rules and there are no. Laws of na, like you can just do whatever you want. And I always like, I, not that I make fun of it, but I do a little bit, everybody who’s like into the new age, right?

, and they’re like, I can manifest whatever I want. I’m like, then why are you not manifesting, like with Covid 19, why did we [00:08:00] not manifest that away? Why did we not like manifest for World Hunger to go? Because that doesn’t, it’s not real . Like you can’t just speak it and then. , it’d be given to you.

I have a friend who came out of the new age and she’s sometimes manifestation works. She’s but it comes from the enemy. . Yes. She’s there’s like demonic things that happen when you’re in this manifestation space, and so I really love that. You’re like, no, let’s go back to the biblical principle of writing the vision and making a plain.

Bianca: Yeah. I love that she said that though. I really do. That’s awesome. Yeah, it’s, it it really is scary cuz really, a lot of people, and I’m, again, hopefully I’m not getting off topic, we are now in a generation when something good happens, We assume that is 100% from God.

Not everything that’s good that comes into your life is from God. The enemy knows exactly what you like to, and he knows how to package it up in the right way where it [00:09:00] looks good, right? It may be good for your flesh, your fresh, your freshly desires, but when it comes to your spirit, I promise you that’s not what you’re gonna want.

But yeah, like this, it’s. When I see it, it’s actually really sad to see this new like manifestation, like I’m my own God, but hey, that’s the generation that we live in, right? It’s all about me, myself, and I. So we just have to, we have to make a change.

Lemon: I love what you said about how Satan can package something up and make it look really good.

So we did an object last time with our boys like a couple years ago and covered an onion in. Ooh. And so the onion looked really good, right? And so then, the boys bite into it and it’s a whole mouth full of onion. And they were like, this is just go, this is not what I thought this was gonna be. And we were like, yeah, that’s how sin works. 

That’s how temptation works. It looks good on the, oh, that’s such a good illustration, but it’s bad on the inside. And so I’m like, [00:10:00] you have to be really intentional and test everything against s. because what looks good on the outside, Satan can give you this thing that looks very pretty on the inside, but it is foul on the inside.

 Yeah. And that’s what this movement is. And so I’m really excited. So I really went very like deep in this is not what she was like coming on here to be like, let’s talk about manifestation at New Age. So I’m excited for you to then just kinda explain how it is that we don’t fall off track with our goals.

And I’m gonna let you take it from there. 

Bianca: Yeah. So when it comes to writing the vision and making a plane it goes so far beyond that. And I will say that it’s something that until we change and truly figure out the root cause and have the proper mindset and actual steps behind it, we’re.

Lords will, we’ll be here five years, right? [00:11:00] But we’re gonna be the same person five years from now. How does that sound? How does that sound to say, oh, like New Year. Same me. Ew. What? Like it, yeah. No one and that’s the thing. Everybody says New year, new me. But then it’s wait, at the end of the year, you’re pretty much like the same person.

There was a lot of stuff that you said you were gonna do. , it’s, you’re still, it’s still pretty the same, if you don’t see, if you don’t see the fruits of the seasons that you’ve been in, whether they’re good or bad. Because again, I’ve been molded most in the seasons where I’m in the trenches where it’s, it ain’t pretty and my mindset may be all over the place. My relationship was all over the place. My finances were garbage. It’s during those moments that you start to see. All right. And it’s, I’m not gonna go there cuz I’m gonna take us off [00:12:00] track, but I love it. I feel like I’m gonna have to come back cuz I feel like I have so much to give. 

Lemon: But I love what you just said about this really quickly. , this like pruning process. , so wine, right? So you’ve got your vines or whatever. They’re really, they will bloom, right? They will produce leaves, they’ll do all the things, but you have to prune them every year or you get nothing from them.

They can’t produce any fruit if you don’t do the pruning process. They’re just there. They’re, yeah. So there is no good fruit that can come unless you prude. and remove and take a look at to, you have to take a look at yourself. I love that illustration. Whenever I like heard that’s what people who own vineyards have to do is they have to do this like very intense pruning process every single year.

And it’s like a violent process, right? Like they’re like really cutting a lot back and like stripping these plants. So that they can become something better. In the next season. . And that’s exactly what you’re talking about. I love this, so I’m so excited. . [00:13:00] Yes. Excited. 

Bianca: Okay, so first I wanna start with, I call it the Santa Cause effect. Not Santa Claus. It’s the Santa Cause. So going back to what I was saying earlier, everybody at the end of the year think about kids like right before Christmas. They’re like writing all the things that they’re, they want Santa to bring them, right? It’s all wishful thinking. It’s oh, I wanted to, I want this.

And then what do they do? The kids then give it to the parents to quote unquote drop it to the North Pole. So saying, I can get it right, quote unquote. And but what happens with that? it goes nowhere because there is no such thing as the North Pole. And that’s what happens with our goals. So I’ll give you an example.

Let’s just say that, oh, I wanna go ahead and I wanna get in shape and, the beginning of the year, but yet you have no goals whatsoever. There is no game plan that’s like a coach. We’re now in. Basketball, football season. God forgive me. Cause I’m right. We’re like, [00:14:00] we’re coming up on the Super Bowl.

Yeah. Supers bowl full. Just kidding. Yeah. Super Bowl. So football season, right? And so imagine the coach telling his players, we’re gonna win this game. You guys go out there and you guys kill it. We’re gonna win this. And there was no game. What do you think is going to happen with those players? They’re going to be completely lost.

They’re probably not gonna win because one person’s thinking to do one thing and the other players are thinking completely different as well. So if there is no game plan, you are not going to execute anything you have to. Whatever it is that you have that you wanna set as goals, you have to write it.

But not only write it down, you have to be so specific. When these players are training, they’re going all in on everything from game plans to workout routines, but everything’s listed out. It’s not just, [00:15:00] oh, the game plan is for you to throw the ball here and then go there and do a touchdown. Like this is very specific game plans that they’re doing, and that’s exactly how we need to take our lives when it comes to our goals, because now we’re just leaving it up to chance again, going back with our fingers crossed oh yeah, I just pray that this is gonna, I’m getting in the best shape of my life, but I have no action plan whatsoever, like the way that it needs to look ladies.

Let, I’m just gonna pick weight loss, right? Get into the fitness school that, that’s mine. This year you have to say, I’m gonna work out Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Where at the gym at this time to this time? What are you gonna do during that time? Oh, I’m gonna do legs at this time. For this time I’m gonna do this amount of reps, this amount of sets.

It has to be so specific that way. Write the vision and make a plane. If anybody were to see it, they’d be like, oh, I know exactly what she’s doing. [00:16:00] That’s how we need to set our goals. Ooh, I love that. Because then there’s no confusion what’s exactly, that’s what it is that you’re doing. I love the football analogy too, cuz my youngest is at an age now where like when he plays football, they’re actually learning plays.

 Instead of the coach just sitting there on the field being like, now you run here and you do this. So they’re like learning plays. and it’s such a difference to see how much my youngest enjoys football now that there’s like a little bit of clear direction. , and he feels like he has a little bit of autonomy over it.

, right? , he’s a little bit independent in this. , right? Nobody’s hovering over him anymore. He’s out, taking the skills that he’s cultivated and putting it into work and then seeing the fruits of that work. . So I love this. I love that you said that. My goal is also to lose bait, but I also am like, I wanna run a 5k, and so I downloaded Oh yeah.

So I download in an app Train. Yeah. So I downloaded an app over Black Friday. They had a special on it, and it literally every single day is like, this is [00:17:00] exactly what you need to do for this amount of time, and this is the way you’re gonna work out to achieve that goal. , and that’s what you need. Like you, I do need, people need specific goals.

Yeah. We can’t just, I, here’s the thing, like I’m speaking like, oh, if someone, again, if obviously if someone doesn’t know me, they’re like, oh, she, maybe she has it all together. Maybe she is, achieving her fitness goals and doing all this. Let me tell you, the last few years, there’s been plenty of things on that quote unquote New Year’s resolution, and it didn’t happen.

at all because again, it was like writing a Christmas list, oh, this is what I wish for, and there was no actions behind it. So what’s important to is be specific when writing your goals and then taking those actions. Without actions, nothing’s gonna happen. It’s just a list. I love that. What advice would you give to somebody who’s like, all right, I figured out the actions.

But maybe they lack like the motivation or like the consistency. To follow through with those actions. Yeah. So I may say [00:18:00] something completely different than what most people are going to expect, because people would probably be like, yeah, listen to, motivational speakers or, start establishing habits.

But y here’s the root cause. It’s and this is what I was like, meditating on Right. The right use of meditating. Cuz that’s something else too. But it was, I’m here thinking like, what is it that stops us from hitting our goals? Wh why, where is that disconnect between I want this and making it happen.

And what I figured. it was the two F words. Now it’s not what you think y’all okay. it is fear in your feelings. Oh, that’s good. Yeah. So fear and here’s the crazy part cuz, oh, I love this. God is so good because he was obviously the one who gave us to me. And it was, so your fears [00:19:00] is it’s an obstacle that’s in front of you that you’re afraid of, right?

But can I tell you that it is easier to overcome your feelings? Here’s why. So fear is an actual object that’s in front of you. I’ll give you an example. I’m afraid of heights. Do not tell me to go on a rollercoaster. I will listen. We will. No, absolutely not. I don’t care how much you paid me.

And my list would get along well. Cause you can do, I will hold your bags. Your food. Your drinks. I will wave as you go up. I’m not, I’ll take pictures. I got you. But I’m not going up there . And Yeah. So again, that’s an obstacle. I’m afraid of something, an object, and that is, the rollercoaster.

I’m not gonna get on there. But your feelings, the reason why it’s easier for you to overcome your feelings because it’s you. I love that it’s you. I love that. [00:20:00] Fear is an obstacle. It’s something, there’s an object that’s holding you back your feelings. It’s just you. You just have to overcome you.

And so I’ll give you an example. Like we all say, and I’m gonna give more than just like obviously the weight loss. So like I wanna be in shape, but I don’t feel like working out. I wanna get closer to God. I just don’t feel like reading my Bible, I wanna take time to invest in myself. I wanna read books and stuff like that, but I really feel like it right now. I’d rather just watch TV or just get on TikTok and just keep scrolling. Or I wanna eat healthier, but I don’t feel like cooking. It’s always about your feet. We have made our feelings such. In this hierarchy where it is number one, where no matter what it is in your life, whether you wanna go to work that day, whether you wanna go to an event that day, whether you wanna, it doesn’t matter.

But from [00:21:00] cooking to working out to everything, we are like, we take a second and we’re like, but do I really feel like going? And that’s where that disconnect is. If you wanna hit your goals, you gotta get rid of your feelings. Your feelings cannot matter anymore. As soon as you have that thought I feel no, you have to nip that in the butt right there and say, no, I’m not even gonna let this thought continue to dwell in my mind.

Let me just get up and take action. And that’s what’s been the biggest difference in my life, is removing the feeling. If I don’t feel like a lot of people don’t feel like doing stuff that they need to do, but until we get rid of those feelings or let that thought marinate in our mind how we don’t feel like this or that again, we’re gonna keep doing the same thing over and over again.

Lemon: Ooh. I am like obsessed with what you just said to be Okay. , we live in a [00:22:00] culture. That is very much my feelings, my truth. , my, my lived perceived experience is the only thing that, that matters. . And you have to like, accept that’s somebody’s perceived notion of the world and take it as a gospel.

And you’re like no. Like you, you can’t rely on your feelings either. The Bible tells us that we can’t lean on our hearts, right? Our feelings are fickle. They change. , we can’t trust them. . Let them know, , we can trust our feelings. And so I love that you said this because the, it’s not a trustworthy thing that we have.

Bianca: no I’ll give you perfect example. Today I had to get up. I’m not even gonna say the time cause I’m sure everybody gets up before me. I’m not a morning person. I’m more of a late night person and. , I get to writing, create my creative, stuff just comes out at night for whatever reason.

I’m here, like in my room or in my office, like writing stuff down, creating stuff. And but this morning, all right, let’s just be, let’s just be honest. I woke up at six 30 on the dot when I can’t remember the last time I woke at, woke up at six o’clock, six 30, [00:23:00] where I didn’t hit the snooze button. I didn’t, I don’t, because I didn’t, I don’t.

like getting up at that time, I’m like, ah, I can get up a little bit later. But do you know how good it felt to like, be ready, be dressed, be back in my office by a certain time and I’m like, boom, bam, duh. It just, I was like, no, I gotta keep doing this again. And it’s such a big, once you start killing your feelings your feelings, and you start actually doing those actionable steps.

You don’t feel that aftermath of like regret, like I hit the snooze button this whole time. Oh, I ended up eating that piece of cake and I really should have ate, shouldn’t have ate that. I should have ate something else, or I really should have been working on my side business. Why didn’t I do that instead?

I’m over here like on social media. 

Lemon: Yeah. Yeah. I love this because there’s plenty of times I don’t feel like going to the. , I’ve gotta get in my car, I gotta drive 15 minutes to the gym, gotta get myself all situated. Then I’m there for an hour, then I gotta drive 15 minutes home. I need to take a [00:24:00] shower.

Like it becomes like a two hour process. To go to the gym. . And it’s like, I don’t necessarily feel like doing this 99% of the time, but then I’m like, oh, I always feel so good after the fact. And I don’t have this regret, I don. Wallow. I feel like I’m much more productive when I’ve done the actionable step and I’ve gotta remove this.

Like I don’t really feel like it. I would much rather sleep in, right? Cause I’m gonna the gym like four in the morning so I can be home. 

I can be home because my kids have to get up at six and so I’ll go to the gym at four. So way I’m home when their alarm’s going off and then we’re starting our day, on the, on a positive foot here.

I gotta remove this. Like I wanna sleep in . Oh, that’s not easy. That’s probably where life’s biggest struggles, right? I wanna sleep in, it would be really small to sleep in, but that is not gonna get me to the cold that I have. . And so I love it. You said this, so we’ve gotta remove our feelings.

Bianca: Yeah. 100%. Until we get rid of, until we kill our feelings. There’s, and I really feel like that is the enemy’s way to really get to us too, because, [00:25:00] How many times, hasn’t a single woman seen a guy? And she’s and she says, oh, I just feel like I’m ready to be in a relationship. I just feel lonely.

And what is the entrapment that you’re gonna get yourself into going into those feelings when God hasn’t told you to do anything yet? He said, listen, I have you in your single season right now for a reason. I was like, I don’t care about your feelings. I know what’s good for your heart, your soul, your mind, your future.

So I need you to sit still. Don’t let those feelings get you caught up. And then now you’re on a dating website and now you’re meeting, some crazy person. But yeah, our feelings can dictate, how we move in life and where we end up going and it’s you went too far. I didn’t tell you to go over there.

That wasn’t me. That was your feeling. Oh, I am, I’m so excited. , we’ve already been on here for almost half an hour and I’m so excited about this. So I’m gonna bring Bianca on again in the next episode so we can finish this conversation because [00:26:00] y’all I seriously think that you need.

Lemon: A notebook with you because I was sitting here writing notes on this Santa Claus effect and everything. I’m like, oh, I love this. I’m gonna tell my kids this. Not that, not that my kids know that Santa’s not real yet. So yeah, keep the medicine, , right? I don’t know yet, but when they do, I’m be like let me tell you about this thing.

And so anyway, so I’m so excited to just have you on again, so make sure you go follow Bianca on all of her social. It’s linked in the show notes for you, and we will see you in the next episode. Thank you.